Fruits of my labors

When I was 23, I said I had a five year plan to get a dog. I was living in a crazy apartment, leaving all the time to get away. Work was basically the only thing holding me to DC at all, and I didn't want that. I wanted a stable, happy, well-rounded life. And the mythical dog embodied everything that I'd have to have in place to get there.

And then I forgot about the dog plan, and I lived my life. I'd like to think I made good choices and had a future in mind, but really I just focused on day to day life. And magically, the rest of it came into place.

I don't really believe in the whole secret power of positive thought stuff, but something worked here, and I can't claim any part of it.

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Variables

I have to manually control my blood sugar. For those you without this privilege, it's like trying to manually pace your heart rate - so slow, you die, too fast, you die. It's tough work, playing the role of a body part.

The toughest part is that I can't directly change the thing I'm trying to control. All I can do is adjust the influencing factors. Some of which I don't even know exist until something goes wrong. Like last night's vampire cannula that prevented me from getting insulin for 6 hours or so. Didn't know until I woke up and pulled it.

Everything is controlled by these variables and I'm just trying to nudge them into some kind of sense. And this is true for everything.

I've learned that I don't have as much control as I once thought I did. Wanting doesn't make it so, and it wasn't age or power that was holding me back, like I'm sure I thought when I was younger and didn't have much of either. I got older and I still didn't get any power.  I just figured out - you have to know what variables are at play and pay attention to those.

Getting older is learning what to pay attention to.

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30 for 30 - It's a goal

I turn 30 years old on March 22, 2013.  I should commemorate this in some way.

Welcome to The Lizzie Musar Network's 30 for 30 series - 30 posts in 30 days until I turn 30.  Oh, the symmetry!  Obviously, I'm a little behind, having had this spark of inspiration 25 days before my 30th birthday, so I've got a bit of catch up to do.

Perhaps I'll be a little more aware of the run up to 30 if I'm forcing myself to say something everything.

#1